Running Deeper Down

Why do I see what I do see,
and close my eyes to beauty? 
And why do I look for what I look,
knowing it's gonna kill me?
Slowly, slowly, dead inside,
I know what's smart,
but no, I hide.
I kill myself a bit each day,
and think it's gonna be ok.
Running from the shaming truth,
and running to my death, I do.
It seems alright, but then it don't.
Why did I ever board this boat?
I never should have sipped the drink.
Forever now, I feel, I'll sink.
The brink of death is close at hand.
(To think - it started with a band) O.o
On and on, and deeper in.
I never thought to think again.
Saving is a need of mine,
but who would ever be so kind?
I pushed away all help that day,
and always said, "It's all ok!"
I push myself, keep falling through.
I try to stop, but never do.
Just lift me up, and give me wings!
I don't want all the grief I bring.
I can not do it, and I won't,
so do it all, and give me hope.