I try so hard to run from God. I read thee verses about how we are all bound to worshiping God forever. I think to myself... Man what a drag... I have to spend the rest of my life worshiping something... I don't get to relax or do what I want... I don't get what I really want. And it's funny because I believe in God, but I still struggle to want to worship Him forever.
So I run away. I tell Him that I'll stop, but I can't handle the responsibility. It's like the job I had a while ago. I was making $11 an hour but I worked for 10 hours on a Saturday about once a month. And I didn't want to give that up. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted for once, get everything I wanted. But whenever I finally do whatever I want I find it unsatisfying... I find myself more empty than before. I try to run away from all I've done.. I try to run away from God.. I try to live all on my own, but I can't. I physically, spiritually, and emotionally can't. I feel so alone... I keep running.
And I listen to songs about doing what I want and I get on a high of pride and self esteem. I get into a groove of doing whatever I want, not caring about anything.
But when I fall on my face again... I find myself desperate for his love.
I love the lyrics to this song called the sinner:
"I know I could never run far enough to escape your love, so why do I keep running?"
It hits me hard and I just realize how much I love him and want him.
Whether you're looking for love in Drugs, sex, money, whatever... There's only one kind of love that will satisfy.
And I have to realize it everyday.