The nails in your hands

Well i was thinking yesterday and realized that i killed Jesus it was my sin. i mean i know he had died for me and realized it was my sin he died for. But if i wasn't such a loser he wouldn't have had to die so i came up with this little thing i don't know what it is it doesn't rhyme but its for God.

I put you on the cross
Put you in the grave
And all you did was save me
I put the nails in your hands
Put the nails in your feet
And all you did was ask God for my forgiveness
Why do I deserve all your Love.

So much foir that idea

I don’t feel like being an artist right now.  It gets kind of bagged on anyway.  I wouldn’t call it a profession at all. It’s what people do when, one, they can, and two, they can’t really do anything else. Sure… Expression.  Who really cares?  Suck it up and live on! We don’t need to be artistic or express ourselves!  Be a man.  Personally, I think it is sort of a waste of time and is overdramatized. Not only that, but it also seems to spit drama from its cry-baby, emotional mouth.  

I like it…. I love it.  …but it’s dumb.  I feel stupid trying to pursue a life full of it.

I’d be like, an “artisan.” Eh…  Throughout the things I’ve learned in history class I’ve always seen artisans as expendable and sort of as hold backs.  I don’t know why, because they are the people who develop technology, which isn’t holding anything back, but then again, I’m kind of mad at technology too. 

Artists are weird.

I’m really mad.

I just wanna… I want to be… Something. Not here, not now, not this. Somewhere.

I miss.  . . .

Ugh . . . I don’t know.

I know that I don't deserve it.

Here I am once again Lord

Falling and Slipping into temptation once again

Oh how I wished it would end

Oh how I wish I would end

God take me and make me into something new

Take me and make me just like you

God I’m not worthy to even speak of your name

God I’m so filthy, I know you know that I am

How could I sit right by you and stay the same

How can you deal with me and all that I do

I’m a sick pile of dirt that never knew you

I’m the one that called a lie the truth

I don’t deserve any of this care

I’m as evil as murderers, as perverse as a whore

I don’t want to be like this, but my flesh carries me on

I sin and I sin, but all you do is love me more

God I’m in tears for now I see,

Not only does it hurt you, it kills me.

God I’m not worthy to even speak of your name

God I’m so filthy, I know you know that I am

How could I sit right by you and stay the same

How can you deal with me and all that I do

I’m a sick pile of dirt that never knew you

I’m the one that called a lie the truth

But God I plead, that you just take me, take me back to home

Just bring me, to the place where I belong,

Into your arms, into your arms

Where I will never be let go

Into your arms, into your arms

Where I will be wrapped with love, even when I make mistakes

You never let me go…

If I Die

I don't know what came over me but i just started singing this so i thought i would write it out its just kind of the chorus but yeah.....

If I were to die
there would be no tear
If i were to leave
there would be no despair
If i were to go
you would never care

L A Z Z Z Y. . .

She wants to deny it. . .

 "No harm is done!" She pleads, innocent with her mouth, but drenched in guilt underneath.

It is true, thing's could be worse, but harm has been done by this absence of action.
Dear girl, let me tell you a story:

Suppose there is a man who hires a first gardener, and to him he says "Gardener, go and garden my large yard. Yes, there are thorns, there is dirt, you will have to lift things, pull things, and dig things,  - no one said it was a piece of cake - but this is what I hired you for.  If you do this, I will be pleased, and you will be rewarded."

So, the first gardener went out and destroyed the man's yard, burning what was already there and adding thorns and weeds that weren't there before.  When the first gardener went to the man to receive his pay, he said "Sir, I really want my reward!" but, the man, obviously, did not give it to him. Instead he said "Gardener, if you truly wanted it, you would have acted accordingly."

After the man fired the first gardener and when his yard was restored to normal, he hired a second gardener. To the second gardener he said the same: "Gardener, go and garden my large yard. Yes, there are thorns, there is dirt, you will have to lift things, pull things, and dig things, - no one said it was a piece of cake - but this is what I hired you for.  If you do this, I will be pleased, and you will be rewarded."

The second gardener went away, and, not wanting the thorns, the dirt, or the work and sweat, he merely sat around. When he went to the man to receive his pay, like the first, it wasn't given to him.

"...but, Sir!" the second gardener pleaded, "I wasn't like the first! No harm was done, and I really want my reward!"

The second gardener was mistaken. Harm was done. True, he did not burn anything down, but in not watering or trimming he let the man's yard turn into it's own kind of disaster.

The man said to the second gardener as he said to the first: "Gardener, if you truly wanted it, you would have acted accordingly."

The man hired yet another gardener, a third saying to him "Gardener, go and garden my large yard. Yes, there are thorns, there is dirt, you will have to lift things, pull things, and dig things, - no one said it was a piece of cake - but this is what I hired you for.  If you do this, I will be pleased, and you will be rewarded."

The third gardener did just what the man requested and tended the garden, pulling things out where they didn't belong and putting things in where they did. At the end of his hard work the third gardener went to receive his pay from the man, and the man rewarded him saying "Well done. You have done what I have asked and now receive blessings."

You, girl, hiding from what you've always known is true, can probably figure out which gardener you are most like. Nothing can be something when it's not where it belongs.

Persevere? Be strong! Get back out there! Quit doing nothing and do what you know is right!

"But for something like that I would need... more confidence," She says, starting a list that she will never finish and turning uncomfortably as if looking for an escape or a way to justify her careless lifestyle.

What you need, dear girl, is a confidence that is this: being sure of what you know is true, what you do, and who you do it for.  You don't even need to be sure of who you are!  That will come in the package. ... You do, however, - and seeming as if you've forgotten or pushed it aside, you need to  now more than ever -  know WHAT you are.

Know what you are, get to know the one you work for a little better, reestablish what you're out here for... Are you doing this whole "life" thing for yourself or who? Confidence will come with that, and hopefully the strength to do a little better. With that will come progress, and the right progress with the right heart will bring reward in a variety of shapes and sizes.

Excuses won't get you anywhere, but we both know who will.

How unworthy do you feel, after this realization, to be offered such an opportunity?

Probably as bad as me. . . ?

(The girl isn't some real person. I'm not being mean. This is somthing I thought about a lot today. writen in an odd way, I admit...  it could have been better.  But you can't deny that the inicial target was a thought provocer.  Think long and hard, friends... long and hard.)

A few thoughts

In life we keep pushing things till tomorrow. We almost always say "yeah I'll do it later", but is later always promised. Millions and millions of people die each day, are all of them saved? How can we as Christians sit back and watch the fireworks and say "well, I can tell my friend about God later", what if your friend isn't there later? We keep waiting until everything goes our way. If we kept on sitting waiting for everything to be exactly perfect, we could be sitting here for a long time. 

One of the worst things people can say is "you're too young". People set an age limit on who can do great things, and who can't, but does God? We need to stop waiting until we are all older and work with the chances that God gives us to let him shine through us. 

Another thing; we get so caught up in church, that we forget about what it's all about. We go to church and we work on making sure that the time fits perfectly and that everything flows smoothly, but when it comes to helping other people and having a real relationship with God, we blow it and forget about it all. Sadly the pastors get caught up in preaching a good sermon, but don't take time to really help the broken man. Why do Christians preach of love, but when it comes down to it, sometimes they just preach but show no actions?

I wish we could all just change for the better...

Tragic American Life

  
            America has been ok but it's the judgement I'm afraid I'll get when I go to school. I'm a tom-boy/ slash girl but I love to get messy and weird! A couple days ago i stepped in mud and a girl was like "Ugh! That is so GROSS! You should get it clean!" And I was like in my head, it's mud. God made dirt, dirt won't hurt! If only she grew up in Africa she would understand! I mean it's not my fault she was stuck in the middle of the World of Plastic! Whatever...
  
              I'm a nerd and I'm proud to call myself one. I'm actually not afraid of what people think. Here in America I get along better with boys 'cause I like video games and comic books and what not. I always try to get into a conversation with a girl about those things but all they care about is make-up and boys. It's so frustrating! One girl was saying she was trying to read Lord of the Rings. and I got into this whole talk about it. A "talk" with myself. She just sat there and looked at me. I know this one girl who is a math wiz and she is in my grade. Then the horrible question came along when I was talking to her. "Well, I like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Batman, Hunger Games, X-Men, and so on..." She looked at me and nodded an smile awkwardly.
      
            Anyways, I'm not your average teenage American girl. I'm different and God made me that way. I hope I can find someone as great as you Liz who understands me.
                                                
                                                  I found this quote that applies to this kinda:

            If I'm weird around you,

           It's because I'm comfortable.

~Amber